Back to books

Back to the initial purpose of this blog, to document achieving some life goals, today's topic is to figure out why I am always exhausted.

This one was harder to tackle and now that I am aware of the root cause I am unsure of how to solve it.

A few months ago, when I decided this would be one of my items that I wanted to solve, I decided to start by checking my sleep quality. This meant that I went out and purchased a Garmin smart watch and started wearing it to sleep. I do not like things on my wrists while I sleep, so this took quite a while to get used to. However, once it was done the data it starts to record and report is useful.

I do not sleep well. My main problem or challenge is one thought that I think will be hard to solve. The thing is, I am not sleeping well as 2-3 times a week during the night I am getting up with the puppy. He's getting old; he's taking medicine for his heart and kidneys and as such he has trouble with his bladder during the night. This means that for him, to go a full 8 hours without going to the bathroom is nigh impossible. He sleeps on the bed, as it is a place where he feels comfortable and safe. He has slept there for 7 and a half years (he did not sleep there the first 6 months as he was still being trained). To him, the bed is home at night and he will run down the hallway and wait to be lifted and put onto the bed.

It's one of his comfortable spaces and as he ages and his memory slowly goes and his limbs slowly start to give out, I want him to have the best time of his life. In his golden or waning years, I want him to be able to enjoy everything, as much as possible. This means he gets a walk each day, he gets the treats that he wants, and he gets taken care of. I take him to the groomer, I make sure that he has the best experience there, and that he is hopefully happy.

He unconditionally loves me; no questions at all. He will stand by my side regardless of the situation, even when I must let him down. However, he is the cause of my poor sleep.

So this is a lose lose situation, and I must decide which side loses. Obviously, I am going to chose myself as he, my puppy cannot understand the implications of the decision and while he is aware that he is aging, he does not fully understand the pending sadness that will come when he is gone. Due to his heart condition, the doctors give him 2-4 years max, and I want to get as close to that max time as possible.

It is selfish, and somewhat irrational for me to choose to sacrifice my health for a small creature that does not understand the impacts on me. It is the choice that I have made though.